A Cringeworthy Process

Recommended prerequisite: art 1 (I never took it either, so no worries)

When I ask someone, "Why don't you try to draw something?", the replies are always something along the lines of "I am not good at it".

I guess it is nice for others to know about my successes, but perhaps it is more important for them to know about my failures. And I can assure you that failure happens more often than success.

If you ever hear three minutes of perfection at the piano, understand that it took three years of failure to get there. No exaggerating. Sometimes I had to run a measure fifty times over (not that I counted) in order to get it right. Sometimes I had to put a piece off for a couple months so that I might build the required skills before returning to it.

To prove my point here is a not-so-flattering watercolour from grade 8 (I am cringing so hard right now):

The background is supposed to be one smooth gradient. The object spacing is awful. Stark crooked linings, little hue diversity.. and for some reason I left a lot of white edges (still combating the habit now). If there is anything presentable about this, that is because the teacher fixed it for me. I am facepalming so hard right now. Hur hur.

You have no right to say that you are no good at something, until you have tried the following:

1) Give yourself a second chance. It surprises me how many people become dismayed at their first attempt. Really, if your first attempt at something is a masterpiece then you must be a genius. But you are not, and I am not, so we need second chances. Forgive yourself for not being born a genius. Let go of pride.

This was what I was trying to portray:

And here is my first attempt at the bottlemouth:

This is me in the summer of 2015, my first time glazing. Wow so lifelike *cough cough*. There is no hint of transparency or reflection whatsoever! Yuck.

I may have gained some art experience over the last three years, but none from a proper classroom setting, and none with a brush. This is my second watercolour since grade 8 (my first is just a few months before this) but that was not enough to make me "fluent". Of course my first glazing sucked. I would not be surprised to know that your first glazing sucked too.

2) Focus on one section at a time. How do you expect to do the whole thing if you cannot even do a half, a quarter, or one tiny portion? Do not let this process discourage you. If you need to minimize the portion, do what you need to do. Since I did not do the bottlemouth too well, I did repetitions. All ellipses are so off, and the fuzz is so grotesque I just want to crawl into a hole.

Note that you are not just doing blind repetitions, otherwise you will be "practicing your mistakes"! What you are doing is not exercising a procedural memory, as psychology suggests. You are trying to overcome a mental block. Practice is as much thinking as doing. You cannot practice without one or the other. I did one bottlemouth a day and took four hours with each (estimate), thinking a whole lot before my next layer of glaze (I could afford to spend so much time only because it was the summer holidays).

3) Listen to counsel. Experienced people know what you need. If you ever wondered how you can achieve something, they have the answers. To ditch their suggestions is to do exactly what keeps you from succeeding. If someone tells you that in 2x = 1, x = 1/2, and you insist that x is anything but 1/2.. good luck in finding a solution.

This bottlemouth is significantly less fuzzy than my previous ones but according to my mentor, this is not enough (if I had shown him the ones before this it would have made him foam at the mouth, or perhaps gave him cancer). There may have been more that he would like to point out but at least he was honest enough to catalyze the progress you see throughout this post. Otherwise I would be stuck at stage one.

Perhaps I still have issues with my lines, but I agree that fixing this problem will bring me to a whole new level. Maybe I should practice some lines, just lines, and try to overcome my mental block..

What I cannot show you is how I agonized to capture a decent-enough photo for this painting. The photos were long trashed but I can tell you that I submitted five or so photos to my mentor, and captured ten times more photos than I submitted (estimate). The process was a whole week to itself, just to get the one photo for this painting. If I had listened more closely it would not have taken so long.

But then again, if my first shot was perfect I must be a genius.

4) Do not worry about comparing yourself to others. "When I see how amazing they are, I just want to give up". This is one of the most common problems people face. Don't get me wrong, comparison is okay. Comparing the work is good for finding influence, but comparing the people does nothing to help you improve.

So what if someone is younger? Guess what, you will only get older, and today is as young as you will ever be. Get working today while you still have the strength in your limbs and the plasticity in your brain. Do you mean to stay idle for the rest of your life just because someone else is better? So what if someone is better? There will aaaaalways be someone who is better. I do not intend to live my next sixty years without trying anything new, well do you? Are you really going to give up now, and live without it for the rest of your life? So what if someone took up the skill later than you did but still does better than you? That person certainly did not waste time comparing!

(Sorry for the rant)

More importantly, reconsider why you are doing this. Am I painting because I want to earn other people's praises? If the only reward you seek is superficial, you will not get very far. Or am I painting because I like to paint? Sure the process is gruelling, but I do like to create all things pleasant! Then that is what matters. Do something for the sake of doing it, and not for other people's approval. Have some intrinsic motivation.

Rather than wasting time on how people perceive you, why not refine your work so that you do not even need to worry about their perception? Treat the disease, not the symptom.

I have never seen what an art 1 student's work is supposed to look like. Nor do I try to find out. All I relied on was my mentor's feedback, some exemplars, and an honest self-critique. This is a bottlecap on a jar lid.

There is not enough contrast for highlights to stand out. Lines are still fuzzy. The lid is not even properly elliptical. It looks like a dead oyster. I had no idea how an art 1 student should do, but I was determined to fix it.

5) Be patient. At this point in time I had already spent away one month of my summer holidays. And yet I had not started my official canvas. This trial took me a week or two.

The letters do not follow the curve. There are not enough reflections on the jar. The banana has a funny pallor. The marble is not splotchy enough. The wall is too yellow. I am glad to have spent the extra week.

The official took some three weeks. If I had only shown you this, you would be misled to think that this is what you should be able to do on your first attempt. But that is not the case. I had to endure a month of failure.

Of course this is by no means perfect. The table line does not seem to make sense. There is something eerie about those cinnamon sticks. There is something not so convincing about the thermos flasks. The blue bottle at the back is rather stripy. The puddles on the pink jar are awkward. The bottlecap does not look like it fits on the bottlemouth. The axes of the bottle do not match. The splotches on the marble are not quite the right shape..

And my damned lines. Always. Squiggly, fuzzy, drunk lines.
But I am not cringing. At least, not yet..

When I paint now I still cross my fingers and hope that my lines will turn out presentable. It should not feel this way. I know for a fact that I do not "hope" that the intonation of my violin will sound right. If I practice enough I will have more control and confidence. This is not the end of the climb. Actually, there is no end to the climb. So there is no reason to be disappointed that you have not reached the top. This is why you should enjoy the climb, and not feed on praises regarding your climb. Intrinsic motivation.

My goal for the next three years is to be able to look back at this painting, cringe really hard, and crawl into a hole. Truly, that would be a sign of progress.

I still laugh at this.
It is cringeful. It is worthy. It is cringeworthy.

 In summary:
1) Give yourself a second chance.
2) Focus on one section at a time.
3) Listen to counsel.
4) Do not worry about comparing yourself to others.
5) Be patient.

Unless you have done all of the above, I forbiiiiid you to say that you are "no good" at something!